Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
