when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
that's an acceptable place to lick
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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