Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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