i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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