screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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