never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
