Well apparently he's into motor boating.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
