i jhust puked up my retainher.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
