I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
