i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
