its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
