I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
