just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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