mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
