i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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