I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
