I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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