Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
