the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
