Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
