just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize