I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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