i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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