wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize