You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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