You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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