ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Your tits are I can't wait for
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
