The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
