3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
