note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
