omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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