if i can run in heels then i can drive
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
