i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
