Joe is yelling at the trees again.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
