Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
