omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
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as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
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He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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