i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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