I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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