I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
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