Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
