I didn't shave. On purpose
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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