Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
