You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
this hospital has no fireball
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
