Texts From Last Night

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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?

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  (973): who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture? http://tfl.nu/e2ho
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters

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  (240): you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters http://tfl.nu/0u7p
  Replies (30) Good night (5026) Bad night (1084)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".

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  (919): Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me". http://tfl.nu/jl9f
  Replies (210) Good night (31706) Bad night (2853)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.

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  (360): You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there. http://tfl.nu/r1ke
  Replies (18) Good night (5225) Bad night (558)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"

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  (617): college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place" http://tfl.nu/mdbw
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.

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  (314): You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound. http://tfl.nu/fc6l
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  (206): View more from Washington

  At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?

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  (206): At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall? http://tfl.nu/7soh
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.

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  (334): You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool. http://tfl.nu/6ccl
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  (727): View more from Florida

  I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish

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  (727): I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish http://tfl.nu/fk29
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  (818): View more from California

  I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.

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  (818): I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job. http://tfl.nu/0hbs
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.

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  (615): You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it. http://tfl.nu/hvow
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?

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  (617): How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity? http://tfl.nu/1m4t
  Replies (7) Good night (1809) Bad night (472) Order T-Shirt
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  (716): View more from New York

  The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.

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  (716): The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us. http://tfl.nu/j1ej
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  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.

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  (580): It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck. http://tfl.nu/h6bo
  Replies (6) Good night (492) Bad night (1029) Order T-Shirt
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..

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  (336): I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain.. http://tfl.nu/5env
  Replies (3) Good night (653) Bad night (568) Order T-Shirt

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