Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.