We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
