It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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