there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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