i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
