Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
People in love make me want to vomit
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
