The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
