before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
