Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
