I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
