just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
