There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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