i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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