in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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