there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
