I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
