She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
