you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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