I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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