When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
