Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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