so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
