barbara walters just said penis...
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
