the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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